It has become n…

It has become nearing impossible to decribe the ongoing depression depriving me of basic life. It is a mere thought that lingers in my head reminding it of reality and of pain. Life, I Just want you back, I just want you to stand there and remind me that whats happened isnt impossibly cruel, that its selfish of me, distored to take offence when there are so many other people out there, experianceing real crimes, and embracing them and standing up to them and being forced to face them, something that i havnt gotton to do. 

Ahead of me, there are 2 roads, the normal one or the one i feel i should take, It is dispicible of me to think so, but in reality, life isnt standing there all crisp and stern, but its cracked, covered in wholes, and broken at the end.

I wish i were normal though, that life could merely sweep me away and promise me that its come to stay for real, but im not. Gd made me this way, They say to many good things about him but in truth he is a sociopath ripping away “gently” at my innocint life turned guilty. 

I cant remember the happiness i felt when ive talked to someone, Maybe i cant remember it cause it isnt there but life you will take away from me whats truly promising. Ive listened to you, forever onward but you havnt gaven me whats right. 

No one wants me anymore, They feel i am a burden an cruel creation that should be taunted shunned and killed. Now, now its rubbed onto me, maybe i should find a way to die, maybe i should end it here, 

But i wont, Its to scary, And i question after all ive been through is it even natrual to find death scary, I could find a way that doesnt hurt but that just seams impossible. 

Its dispicible howeveer to think that the only thing kkeeping me in the way from freeing myself is pain, Yet it is, 

I would love to show this to someone, To let them comphert me and tell me things that arent true, to erase reality for a while, but reality cant be erased and anything said after that is a lie. 

I would truely love to show this to my parents, but the road id take after that is taunted and deprived of any future any life.


The memoirs of pain. Foward

I question the fact that i wish to indulge myself with writing this piece, Is it to keep sanity or wit? Is it to remind myself of the horrors that i once faced or merely to let go of them? All of these questions, I hope, will be answered as i write this piece, As i spread my life day to day out on paper.  
I am begining to wonder now, how might the public react once they get hold of this, will they lie to themselves to make there own minds better or will they face reality despite the fact that its sutch a painfull prosses to do? 
I suppose all these questions are coming off crazy, well if they are, it is my duty to tell u that after what ive been through, i feel it would be normal for u to call me crazy, i am crazy, not physicly crazy, but mentally crazy,
Im crazy in that i think that this will end.
It wont, life is an endless string of oppertunities for most, ive passed all the oppertunities thats come to me, and although im waiting for more, my oppertunities are in no way endless.
I feel that i should also tell u to stop reading if u are pupuler, if u have a life, and if u arnt crazy.
U wouldnt understand.

now i suppose i should go on to day one, there is nothing to more to tell u, and if u choose not to take caution in my warning, then u about to face reality, and what u are to us. 

On his face, T…

On his face,
The same shrewd expression that had been there for so long,
My message to him,
It was so clear,
And yet he rejected it,
As if it was nothing,
As if I was nothing.

If I could taunt you,

 I would trample upon your body,

I would watch you as your tears shriveled upon nothing

And whisper,

Those same words,

You so cruelly told to me

 And yet you’re gone,

 And on your face
Is the same shrewd expression you had

 As you rejected me,

And my yearning for you. 

His tears met a…

His tears met an end, 
What was left moistened his now cold face, 
admitting that his gone prayer had been thrashed opun
Trampled upon, 
taunted everlastingly
as it was pushed into reallity. 
pain cant ceaze, 
tears shriviled, 
Burnt , 
An morbid reopening to itself, 
it left without a soul 
without an wish for more, 
It believed that reallity had corrupted it, 
yet it knew, 
As it lay still, 
That it was already to late.

Soft petels, i…

Soft petels,
its disquieting to watch you as you wither,
Dismaying to hear you as you cry,
Merciful to yearn so earnestly for you to live,
Yet reality to remind that you are gone.
Blue hummingbird I wish you well,
You feed upon these withered plants,
You pry upon there soul,
and here you are,
now facing them,
Realizing that they are gone. 

I begged of you…

I begged of you to mercy hate,
As I entered, solemnly I lay, crying
yearning, ever so passionately for love.
but here he sat,
so dragged
his lips so yellow,
his face so pale,
and here I only prayed to gd for mercy,
and here is what he gave

Was it my fault…

Was it my fault that my hatred was embedded in your envy?
You were the one who mercilessly threw your love to me,
then, as if it was nothing, alleged that it was I who captivated  you,         
making it as if you had done nothing,
and watching me,
as my tears burned,
waiting, as months passed,
beginning  to trample upon my passion
was it my glory, that threw you so off track,
your lies that you felt saved you?
I asked you to leave,
And you just stood there,
As if it had always been nothing.