It has become n…

It has become nearing impossible to decribe the ongoing depression depriving me of basic life. It is a mere thought that lingers in my head reminding it of reality and of pain. Life, I Just want you back, I just want you to stand there and remind me that whats happened isnt impossibly cruel, that its selfish of me, distored to take offence when there are so many other people out there, experianceing real crimes, and embracing them and standing up to them and being forced to face them, something that i havnt gotton to do. 

Ahead of me, there are 2 roads, the normal one or the one i feel i should take, It is dispicible of me to think so, but in reality, life isnt standing there all crisp and stern, but its cracked, covered in wholes, and broken at the end.

I wish i were normal though, that life could merely sweep me away and promise me that its come to stay for real, but im not. Gd made me this way, They say to many good things about him but in truth he is a sociopath ripping away “gently” at my innocint life turned guilty. 

I cant remember the happiness i felt when ive talked to someone, Maybe i cant remember it cause it isnt there but life you will take away from me whats truly promising. Ive listened to you, forever onward but you havnt gaven me whats right. 

No one wants me anymore, They feel i am a burden an cruel creation that should be taunted shunned and killed. Now, now its rubbed onto me, maybe i should find a way to die, maybe i should end it here, 

But i wont, Its to scary, And i question after all ive been through is it even natrual to find death scary, I could find a way that doesnt hurt but that just seams impossible. 

Its dispicible howeveer to think that the only thing kkeeping me in the way from freeing myself is pain, Yet it is, 

I would love to show this to someone, To let them comphert me and tell me things that arent true, to erase reality for a while, but reality cant be erased and anything said after that is a lie. 

I would truely love to show this to my parents, but the road id take after that is taunted and deprived of any future any life.